Rejection Letters Don't Build Character, They Fucking Suck!

Updated: Dec 31, 2019



It all started a year and a half ago. I sent out my first query letter. Actually, I sent out about ten, in that first round. Since then I have sent out several more, in the double digits maybe triple. I have gotten the — no response rejections, the form letter rejection, and I have gotten the — you’re a good writer just not a fit for my agency rejection.

Now I must decide; should I continue the search for an agent/publisher or should I self-publish or just say screw it and quit altogether? Let’s start with the last one first. I could give up and stop writing my fiction novels and go back to bugging the hell out of my family. (I will have a lot of free time.)

I could just change my blog and write about puppies or porn instead of trying to help first time authors. I could shut down my author website and just piss everyone off on twitter by posting really annoying shit. But that won’t work. I would not only drive my family crazy, I would make myself batshit crazy. So, that’s out.

Now I am left with continue the search for an agent or self-publish. I’m stuck. Had I never started the search for an agent, I would’ve self-published already. You may have just read that sentence and thought, there’s your answer. Not so fast my friend. (In the famous words of Lee Corso.) It’s not that easy.

I have spent the better part of a year chasing the dream of getting a book deal/contract with an agent or publisher. In that time, I have been rejected so much I now question whether my books are even any good. Maybe I’m a hack. Maybe I’m delusional. Maybe I drink too much whiskey and therefore I think I’m a really good writer.

I’ve had people I don’t know, who I seem to have given a lot of credit to, tell me I’m not good enough. Why have I listened to them? How the hell did I let them take up residence in my head and not pay me any fucking rent?

Well, I say to myself, they are industry leaders in a field you know nothing of, they must know what they are talking about. I have also used the argument — I wouldn’t be a real author if I self-publish. È tutto stronzate.

My books are well written. (I don’t really suck at this. I think I could sell a book or two.) Don’t get me wrong, it wont be easy and it’s scary as hell going at it alone. Not having anyone there to guide me. Someone that knows the ins and outs of publishing or marketing, which is a beast unto itself.

At least I will be able to say I tried instead of only dreaming about it. And that’s really what it comes down to isn’t it? Chasing your dreams, going after what you want? I tell people that on my blog anyway. Life is too short, just go for it. (Easier said than done I’m afraid.)

I just read John Markowski’s post on Medium — Another book proposal rejection has arrived — Dissecting the rejection email to see if I should still push on. (So technically, I can blame him since this post is what solidified it for me.) He makes mention that he has come to the realization that self-publishing would be his best option. I am sure this will be easier for him than he thinks it will. He strikes me as someone who knows what the hell he is doing.

I don’t really know what I’m doing. It’s a learn as you go process. Yet, what else am I to do? Throw away years of work on three books? I would probably have to be institutionalized the moment I hit the delete button.

I would rather crash and burn than give up. I have realized that my stories are different from what most expect with the genre I write in and it may be hard to get publishers to take a chance on me. (Couple that with the fact that I have no real social media following. A few hundred on twitter really isn’t much of a following. I’ll be dead before I have a large following.)

My husband has told me from the start, I would need to self-publish. Of course, I didn’t listen to him. After all, what self-respecting wife ever listens to her husband? Now it pains me to say this, and he has made me repeat it several times, but he was right.

It’s time I pull up my big girl panties and just get it done. If I fail, it will be my own fault, (and John Markowski’s and my husband’s). But at least I will be able to say proudly I am a published author.

If you like this post share it via the links below. If you don’t I will end up in the fetal position with an empty bottle of whiskey, and that will be your fault.


I write crime fiction horror, thriller, and paranormal novels. My time in the Coast Guard and my degree in Forensic Chemistry helps me create fantastic stories.


If I'm not writing, I am binge watching Netflix and probably drinking whiskey.


You can find me on Pinterest, Amazon, and Facebook. n.

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