Updated: Dec 31, 2019
I’m sitting in the Vegas airport, waiting on my flight home. I have had one hell of a vacation. I have enjoyed four nights in Vegas without kids or pets. I sorely missed my husband. I have done some work. Didn’t work on book three, mind you. My head space was not there. Wrote a blog post and felt like it was time to confess.
In my time of self-exploration in Vegas, okay that's not true. I didn't do any self-exploration. I drank excessively, gambled, and napped a helluva lot. But, I did realize I’m a liar.
These last few months I have sat behind my computer and told you, new authors, to be strong, be persistent, and don’t give up. That being a writer, especially an Indie writer, is a long haul of ups and downs. That it will get easier and better as you get more comfortable with your writing and as you write more books and hone your craft.
And yes those statements are true, yet at this moment I can't honestly say it gets easier. I think as your brain spirals out of control and you're finding new ways to come up with fresh content for your blog or website, or you're trying to complete a book, it gets more complicated. In a good way, but not necessarily easier.
Does that mean you should quit? Hell, if I fucking know. LOL!! NO, you shouldn't quit. No quitters here. I just didn’t want you to start down this road and say, ‘well Victoria said it gets easier,' and then come after my ass with a bat.
Some days I flip-flop on whether I made the right decision. I'd say 85% of the time I think I have. The other 15% I'm not so sure.
As an Indie, you do everything yourself, and quite frankly, I don’t know - if I know - what the hell I’m doing. Will I stop? NO. Should you? NO.
I tell you guys to plunge forward, set your fears aside and do what you want to do. Go after your dreams. That you must believe in yourself and your abilities.
Well, fuck if that isn’t hard to do. But if it were easy it wouldn't be worth it. Right?
I just wanted to let you know I too, have these same fears and anxiety. I also question my ability and my choices. Listen, I guess it will always happen. With every book I put out there, or blog post I write, waiting to see how it will be received is scary.
Not that I actually have ever given a rat’s ass about others and what they think about me, it’s hard not to want people to like the work you put out there. I would be a REALLY BIG FAT liar if I said I didn’t want people to like my work.
Ah hell, I got 2 hours before I fly home. I want to leave all my extra mental baggage here in Vegas. I’m not going to stop writing, and neither should you. It's okay to feel like this once in a while. It's actually pretty normal.
Look, when you have these moments, take a deep breath and let it go. It probably will get better.
Maybe it won’t. But you won’t really know if you don’t keep trying. So, don't give up. No matter how much shit hits the fan.
Be fearless. Be confident. And let this insecurity shit roll off your back.
Hey thanks for listening. I feel much better.
But damn, I still could use a whiskey.
I write crime fiction horror, thriller, and paranormal novels. My time in the Coast Guard and my degree in Forensic Chemistry helps me create fantastic stories.
If I'm not writing, I am binge watching Netflix and probably drinking whiskey.